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  • Chronic Illness in Film: Steel Magnolias

    by Briana Livelsberger

    Note: This review contains spoilers of the film’s plot.

    Whenever I watch a film that focuses on chronic illness, I often wonder if the film will be accurate or if I will be seething by the film’s poor portrayal. However, Steel Magnolias is a film that takes its representation of diabetes seriously.

    Steel Magnolias (1989 version) follows six women in a small town in Louisiana as they live their lives. One of these women, Shelby, has diabetes. Diabetes is a disease caused by high blood sugar. High blood sugar can occur if one’s body doesn’t produce enough insulin (a hormone that regulates blood sugar) or if one’s body doesn’t effectively use the insulin it makes (NIDDK). In Type 1 diabetes, insulin producing cells in the pancreas are destroyed and thus keep the body from making its own insulin (Basina). In Type 2 diabetes, the body doesn’t make enough insulin or use it effectively in combination with other dietary problems (NIDDK). The movie never states which kind of diabetes Shelby has but I’m guessing it’s Type 1, due to the fact that while diet and exercise are helpful, Shelby’s diabetes requires more to be controlled. Over time, diabetes can result in kidney failure, nerve damage, blindness, etc. Pregnancy can be difficult for someone who has diabetes because of the strain it causes on the body, sometimes speeding up organ damage (Mayo Clinic).

    Steel Magnolias shows the effects of Shelby’s diabetes in a matter-of-fact sort of way due to most of the women knowing about her disease already. The first time we see any sign of Shelby’s diabetes is at Truvy’s hair salon before her wedding. Shelby starts reaching for her neck a couple times, her face showing signs of anxiety. Suddenly, her body erupts into tremors, and she starts fighting her mother (M’Lynn) – as M’Lyn tries to get her to eat a piece of candy and drink orange juice. Shelby isn’t thinking clearly, all she wants to do is leave but, with the tremors, is unable to move. After M’Lynn is able to force Shelby to drink some orange juice, Shelby’s tremors calm down and she’s able to think clearly again. This scene accurately depicts what is called diabetic hypoglycemia. According to the Mayo Clinic, this occurs when one’s blood sugar drops (such as when someone skips meals or receives too much insulin) and can cause symptoms such as anxiety, tremors, and confusion. Due to wedding stress, it is possible that Shelby forgot to eat something, causing her blood sugar to drop.

    Shelby is warned by doctors that she shouldn’t have kids as it would be extremely dangerous for her, even life threatening. In Shelby’s case, this is true. After having her son, we find out that her kidneys are not working properly and ends up on dialysis. The dialysis causes awful bruises on her right arm. Since she is getting treatment through blood vessels, she is undergoing blood dialysis where blood is removed from the body, filtered through a machine, and returned back to the body (NHS).

    Luckily for Shelby, M’Lynn gives her one of her kidneys and Shelby has a kidney transplant. Unfortunately, the transplant does not last long. Towards the end of the movie, Shelby struggles to stand or walk and becomes shaky at times. It’s clear she can tell that something is off, but she doesn’t say or do anything about it. Most likely, her body rejected the kidney since she recently had the transplant and one of the symptoms of rejection is fatigue (Kidney Fund). Shelby ends up in a coma on life support. However, after a certain period of time, all hope of her getting better is lost. Immediately after being taken off of life support, she dies.

    The scene before Shelby ends up in a coma is a little hard to believe because she’s a nurse. These symptoms started while she was finishing her shift at the hospital so she could have easily gone to the ER, possibly preventing her symptoms from worsening to the point of being in a coma. Or she probably would’ve called 911 earlier. Either way, as a nurse she probably would have figured out that these symptoms were problematic a lot earlier. However, these things do happen in real life so I can’t judge this choice too harshly.

    By the end of the film, I was in tears. Steel Magnolias captures the wins and struggles of those who have diseases and the effects on those around them. It captures the fears people have about the future and how rewarding it can be to do something despite those fears. Shelby’s life was meaningful and the meaning in her life wasn’t brushed away when she died (like how some people do when individuals with chronic illness die). She was always Shelby.

    Sources:

    https://www.healthline.com/health/type-1-diabetes-causes-symtoms-treatments

    https://www.niddk.nih.gov/health-information/diabetes/overview/what-is-diabetes

    https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/type-1-diabetes/symptoms-causes/syc-20353011

    https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/diabetic-hypoglycemia/symptoms-causes/syc-20371525

    https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/dialysis/what-happens/

    https://www.kidneyfund.org/kidney-disease/kidney-failure/treatment-of-kidney-failure/kidney-transplant/life-after-transplant/#kidney-rejection

  • Disability in Comedy

    by Briana Livelsberger

    Note: I have often watched these movies and found them funny. However, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve recognized that these movies also have problems with their representations and jokes.

    It is common for comedies to rely on physical humor. Many movies feature someone tripping down stairs or falling into a pool or accidentally getting a hand slammed in a drawer for comedic purposes. Even other genres use physical humor when the plot may not have room for funny dialogue. It’s easy to add it in a scene without taking away from the actual story. However, another common way to add humor into a movie is by adding in someone with a disability. Let me show you some examples.

    50 First Dates

    It may not be a surprise that this film is on this list since it’s a comedy whose female lead, Lucy, is unable to remember new things. However, while Lucy’s syndrome does create many funny scenarios, Lucy isn’t put into the movie solely to be funny. 10 second Tom, on the other hand, has no other real purpose but to provide humor. Only able to remember something for 10 seconds, Tom creates a way for people to laugh.

    Tom is first introduced after Lucy learns about her brain damage. Tom has enough time to introduce himself to four of the characters plus a little more discussion before he forgets and then re-introduces himself again. During this, Henry (the male lead), tells Tom that Doug (Lucy’s brother) gets wet dreams. Tom says, “Don’t you think you’re a little old to wet the bed.” Afterward, he forgets and re-introduces himself to Doug, creating an opportunity for viewers to laugh.

    Another example of Tom’s creation of humor is shown when Henry goes to Lucy. While rushing up some stairs, Henry runs into Tom and Tom says, “Hi! I’m Tom.” Henry asks Tom a long question that takes up the rest of the 10 seconds, making Tom’s response, “Hi! I’m Tom.” His disability becomes a running punch-line.

    Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

    Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban isn’t considered a comedy but there are funny parts that break up the tension being built in the plot. One such moment is when Harry boards the night bus when running away from home. The bus speeds through traffic but stops when an older woman with a walker is in the process of crossing the street. The bus’s sudden stop throws Harry into the front window. However, the humor doesn’t end there. The shrunken head hanging from the bus’s rearview mirror does a countdown from ten as the woman crosses the street. However, after it says 3, it begins using measurements of time such as 3½ and 1¾. Then the bus drives off after she’s out of the way. This moment plays off the idea of elderly individuals, especially those with mobility aids, are slow. Since most people feel similarly, this makes a joke off of a shared experience.

    Robin Hood Men in Tights

    This film was interesting to analyze because Blinkin (Robin’s blind servant) creates humor by both going against stereotypes about blind individuals and playing into the stereotypes. For example, there is a scene in which Robin is almost killed by an arrow shot by a man in a tower. However, Blinkin catches the arrow, saying, “I heard it from a mile away.” Right after, Robin says something, but Blinkin suddenly isn’t able to tell who is talking. This scene starts with the idea that, since Blinkin is blind, he can hear better than those around him. Then, by making it that he can’t tell that Robin is talking, it creates humor. Blinkin is also put into a lot of situations where he fights the air or an inanimate object during a battle sequence or he’ll face a different direction from everyone else when reacting to something.

    Despicable Me 1 + 2

    Despicable Me 1 and 2 both rely on humor (especially physical humor) to tell the story of Gru’s antics. One source of humor comes from the older scientist known as Dr. Nefario. In Despicable Me, Dr. Nefario’s difficulty with hearing becomes the basis of many jokes, such as a fart gun instead of a dart gun or boogie robots instead of cookie robots. Another joke comes during the scene where Dr. Nefario realizes that the shrink ray doesn’t work long term and has no way of telling Gru. Dr. Nefario says, “We need to warn him, quick!” He revs his scooter and moves forward. However, the scooter moves slowly, counteracting the urgency of the situation.

    In Despicable Me 2, Dr. Nefario leaves Gru’s workplace and decides to work for someone else. When leaving, rockets on the bottom of his scooter send him up into the air…slowly. Both of these movies play off of common disabilities that come with age (deafness and difficulty walking). Anyone who has seen a scooter can understand that it is slow – which is why it is funny when it is slow in the films during crucial moments.

    9 Months

    9 Months is classified as a romantic comedy and features many humorous characters such as Dr. Kosevich (played by Robin Williams) and Gail (played by Joan Cusack). However, there is one moment in the movie where humor was created that ultimately didn’t add anything to the film. Samuel (the male lead) rushes to take his wife, Rebecca, to the hospital once she’s in labor. In a mad dash from the car to the entrance, Samuel is stopped by an older woman exiting the hospital while using a walker. Not wanting to wait, Samuel rushes to pick up the woman and move her away from the doors so that he can get Rebecca through. I believe this is meant to play off of the shared experience of older women with walkers taking time to move and might show what many wish they could do in such a situation, providing a place for humor. However, in my opinion, this further establishes how much of a jerk Samuel is.

    16 Candles

    16 Candles is a cult classic of teen movies, full of teenage hijinks, romantic entanglements, and crazy circumstances that make many viewers laugh. However, one part of this film that creates humor is the character only known as Geek Girl #1 (played by Joan Cusack). Geek Girl #1’s only memorable feature is that she has a neck/back brace and the awkwardness caused by it. The only time she says anything is towards the beginning and all she says is “uh-huh” and “yeah.” However, despite the fact that she doesn’t say much, we see Geek Girl #1 at random times. At the school dance, we see her dancing awkwardly with a friend (though less awkwardly than Farmer Ted). We also see her try to drink from a water fountain with the neck brace on. Struggling to do so, she ends up getting water all over her face and wipes it off with her shirt. At the party, we see her trying to drink a beer (without a straw) in her brace. She leans back, holding the beer can as straight up and down as she can without spilling it on herself. Leaning back too far, she falls backwards onto the floor. Geek Girl #1 is made to be a source of comedy through the awkwardness that comes from having a brace.

    Personally, I relate to Geek Girl #1 as I have a neck brace. She shows the struggles that can come with a brace that many others may never experience. In this way, Geek Girl #1 sort of spreads awareness about these issues. However, the intention behind her inclusion in the film was most likely for comedic purposes only. In addition, most people just look at her and her awkwardness and laugh.

    Johnny English

    This film relies a lot on physical humor and irony as the protagonist, Johnny English, is often physically unaware of his surroundings or what he’s doing. In one scene Johnny English is talking with his boss’s secretary when he notices a pen on the desk. Examining the pen, he accidentally sends a dart out and hits the secretary. Because of whatever substance the dart was coated in, the secretary is rushed to a hospital all-the-while, Johnny English’s boss doesn’t notice anything that’s happening. When the secretary returns to work, Johnny English is in his boss’s office. She rolls by the windows of her boss’s office in a wheelchair, staring angrily at Johnny English.

    There’s Something About Mary

    While Tucker’s existence is more than for a laugh, the movie uses his disability to make a joke much like how other films do. He drops his keys and goes to pick them up. However, Tucker’s forearm crutches make it difficult for him to grab his keys without struggling to keep his balance and get close enough to the ground to grab them. He refuses Mary’s offer to grab the keys for him and insists on grabbing them himself. Eventually, Mary hands him the keys and he says, “See, I knew I could do it myself.” He then drops the keys not long after and has to struggle again. This scene shows the awkwardness and humor from struggling to pick up keys.

    What is the significance of these images of disabled individuals used for comedy? When movies have a disabled character or random person in the scene that only contributes something to laugh at, it perpetuates the idea that people with disabilities are an object for entertainment. I’m not saying that humor can’t be used where people with disabilities are concerned. There are funny situations that occur in life with disabilities and I don’t think it’s wrong to show that in a movie. However, when a movie only shows a disabled individual in order to provide humor, it becomes more than just being funny. It becomes okay to laugh at disabled individuals.

    Additional Reading:

    Originally Posted on Necessary Behavior: https://www.necessarybehavior.com/blogs/news/disability-in-comedy?_pos=11&_sid=7f3693f5c&_ss=r

    Edited 2/18/22

  • Chronic Illness in Film: Ode to Joy

    by Briana Livelsberger

    Note: This review contains spoilers of the film’s plot.

    There are many diseases out in the world, making it that there are endless possibilities for films about chronic illness. The fact that movies are created about diseases is, in my opinion, a positive thing when the movies are done right. If one uses a lesser-known disease as the focus of the movie, it increases awareness of the disease and makes it easier to believe it’s real. However, when a film is about a disease that is relatively unknown to the public, it can leave one wondering whether the disease is real considering that there are movies in which a disease is made up. However, Ode to Joy is not one such film about an imaginary disease.

    Ode to Joy follows Charlie, a man who has cataplexy. At first, I wasn’t sure if this disease was real, mostly because I hadn’t heard of it before. Cataplexy is a disease that can cause muscle weakness/paralysis when one feels a strong emotion. These episodes of muscle weakness can be minor (face drooping) to severe (full body weakness followed by fainting). Cataplexy is caused by low levels of hypocretin (a chemical in the brain important in regulating the sleep-wake cycle) and often goes along with narcolepsy (Lee). As a result, an individual with cataplexy can end up in REM sleep (dream stage where the body is paralyzed) at any time (Sleep Foundation).

    For Charlie, his cataplexy is triggered mainly by happiness. As a result, he lives his life trying to keep himself from being happy. The film opens with his sister’s wedding. Standing next to his brother (Cooper), Charlie tries to think of depressing, horrific things to keep himself from losing control and falling during the ceremony. However, he can’t help but feel happy for his sister, so he inevitably loses control of his muscles and crashes into many objects and people before passing out. In reality, Charlie would actually have been seated for the ceremony (as no one would want him to risk an injury) but having him stand creates a dramatic way for the movie to introduce cataplexy.

    Cataplexy affects his day-to-day life, and the movie does a good job at showing these effects in a matter-of-fact way after the wedding scene. Charlie works in a library where things are usually tame and quiet. If he reads to kids, he reads them books such as The Velveteen Rabbit or Where Did My Sweet Grandma Go? When walking around New York City, Charlie makes sure to have depressing music (such as a funeral march) playing in his headphones so that he can distract himself from any heartwarming sights he may come across. When he takes Francesca (the female lead) out on a date, he takes her to a play called The Great Depression to keep himself from feeling giddy around her. After leaving the play, the first topic of conversation he brings up is about Francesca’s aunt (who is fighting cancer). For the sake of keeping himself from being happy, he ends up not dating Francesca and instead sets her up with Cooper. In that way, he can be around her without losing control and passing out since seeing her with Cooper makes him sad enough to negate the happiness he feels with her.

    There is a lot more that Charlie does throughout the movie as a result of cataplexy but, even with describing a portion of what he does, it is clear that Charlie takes managing his condition seriously. However, Charlie’s management causes him to avoid most of what could make him happy, partially because he is afraid to be happy. He pushes Francesca away out of this fear and makes his brother worry. This is refreshing because movies don’t often show the fears that can go along with the diseases and how the fear can have a bigger impact on life than the disease. The movie also shows that Charlie pushes against that fear and decides to have happiness in his life. Charlie deciding to find happiness in a way that won’t be dangerous also does something that a lot of movies don’t do. Some movies show happiness being found when a disease is “cured” or when it’s found out to be fake. Either way, it is often through a rejection of the disease that one finds happiness. In Charlie’s case, he embraces his disease and figures out a way to be happy that works for him.

    In terms of accuracy, Ode to Joy seems to get a lot right. When explaining the disease, all the information used was information I was able to confirm on multiple medical websites. Ode to Joy also discusses actual treatments used for cataplexy rather than just having Charlie use some medication without any explanation like some movies do. Based on research I’ve done; Charlie’s cataplexy is severe in comparison to how the disease plays out for most people. While people can lose control of all muscles in their body and pass out afterward, usually specific muscles are affected and may not cause someone to pass out all the time. However, I think this was done both to deepen the risks that Charlie faces when trying to go after what he wants and to provide more dramatic scenes. In addition, since cataplexy is supposed to be triggered by strong emotions, small heartwarming acts causing him to nearly fall seems slightly exaggerated. Now, it is possible that, due to his inability to allow himself to feel happiness, his joy is stronger whenever he feels it than if he could feel joy without worry. However, it seems more likely that it is done to show that cataplexic attacks could happen anywhere, anytime.

    Since the film provides accurate information on cataplexy and does a good job portraying it, there ends up being a lot of humor in the situations Charlie finds himself in. While having a disease isn’t funny, the movie is able to show how funny things can happen because of a disease rather than using the disease as a punchline.

    Overall, Ode to Joy provides an insight into cataplexy and what it could be like for someone who has it. The film shows both how a disease can rule one’s life and how one can live their lives with their disease in a way that doesn’t take away from their happiness.

    Edited: 1/27/2022

    Originally Posted on Necessary Behavior: https://www.necessarybehavior.com/blogs/news/chronic-illness-in-film-ode-to-joy?_pos=3&_sid=390f90c57&_ss=r

    Sources:

    Narcolepsy Symptoms

    https://www.everydayhealth.com/cataplexy/guide/

  • An Embarrassing Condition

    by Briana Livelsberger

    When I was in 4th grade, I started to wear shorts under my skirts in case anyone tried to fling them up. However, something odd started happening. Whenever I wore those shorts under my skirt, my bladder was harder to control. I often found myself peeing a little when my bladder started to feel full. Normally, I could keep myself from peeing until I reached a bathroom. For some reason, the shorts caused me to leak before I could make it. I never told anyone. I didn’t let a teacher know. I didn’t tell my mom whenever I came back home. I was embarrassed that I, a big kid, was peeing myself. I thought if I told anyone, I would be told that I was old enough to know when I needed the bathroom and that I needed to do better, that it was my fault. Since it didn’t happen when I didn’t wear those shorts, I asked my mom if I could stop wearing them, saying that they were uncomfortable. And thus, I solved the problem. Or so I thought.

    Sometime after I stopped wearing those shorts, there was a day I felt I didn’t need the restroom during a class break. However, partway through the break, I realized I needed to pee, and it couldn’t wait. I went to the bathroom, but some classmates were in there as well. I picked a stall and found that I couldn’t go. My classmates saw me enter the bathroom and, while it is normal for humans to pee, I didn’t want them to hear me peeing. Knowing that I’d be late if I didn’t go right away, I tried. My bladder wouldn’t cooperate. Once they left, I was finally able to go. Before I walked back into the classroom, I knew the break had ended. I just hoped it hadn’t been too long or else I would get in trouble. I entered the classroom and returned to my seat. The class had already started. My teacher stopped talking and directed his attention to me.

    “Do you see what time it is,” he asked while pointing to the clock.

    The clock used roman numerals and had two hands, unlike all the clocks at home that were electric and told the time through recognizable numbers. I answered that I didn’t know.

    “So, I guess you need to learn how to read time now.”

    Not only was a lot of attention put on me for taking a while in the bathroom, but I was also turned into an idiot for not being able to tell time (a skill I memorized for hours after I got home and have never forgotten since). I felt so embarrassed and ashamed.

    It didn’t get better after that. I continued to take longer than my classmates in the bathroom and often went to the bathroom when breaks presented themselves while my classmates didn’t need to as often. As I got older, these issues got worse until I found myself constantly going to the bathroom around every half hour and spending and hour and a half trying to go when at home. It would feel like my bladder was full and yet, when I went, hardly anything came out, causing me to spend more time on the toilet. Whenever I would stand up again, it was difficult to walk since my legs had fallen asleep. Even though I knew my bladder wasn’t actually full, trying to go longer without rushing to the bathroom often caused leakage and bladder spasms*.

    If I waited too long or if I didn’t wait long enough before going to the bathroom, my bladder would spasm. If I didn’t drink enough or if I got stressed, my bladder spasmed. It would become really hard to breathe whenever the spasms hit, and it would be difficult to do anything other than grab at my abdomen while hunched over as I either rushed to the bathroom or rushed to sit down. There wasn’t much that helped ease the spasms. Sometimes going to the bathroom helped, sometimes heat did. Most often, nothing helped aside from time. I had a hard time sleeping either from the pain or needing to rush to the bathroom several times in one night.

    I often thought I had UTIs (feeling burning, bladder pain, etc.) and I often went to my doctor to get a urinalysis done. And while there were a lot of times when I did have a UTI, most of the time I didn’t.

    All of this combined made me dislike going anywhere. Since most of my doctors were an hour and a half to two hours away, there were times when I couldn’t make it throughout the entire trip without asking to stop off somewhere to use a bathroom, even though I went before I left. When getting ready for appointments, I saved an hour before it was time to leave in order to use the bathroom and I’d still end up running late. I always went to the restroom at the doctor’s office and, while I tried to be quick, I would take a long time.

    Not only was all of this frustrating for me, but I was also aware of how frustrating it was for others, making me often wish that I could just be “normal.” I found myself not wanting to leave the house for fun, feeling that my issues would take away any fun that I and those around me could have. I also got anxious whenever I needed to go to appointments, worried about what my bladder would do. I disliked being told that I made us late again or that I needed to manage my time better.

    At a certain point, I wondered if I was intentionally taking forever. Was it just anxiety? I know now that the anxiety was caused by my bladder setting off my autonomic nervous system (responsible for the fight, flight, freeze response), not from something in my mind. At the time, it felt like I was creating an issue rather than trying to cope with a problem I didn’t know much about.

    Either way, it was clear that something was wrong with me. Wondering if I had the same bladder problems she did, my mom got me in to see a urologist. There he diagnosed me with a neurogenic bladder (a disease I was diagnosed with late in middle school/early high school). Johns Hopkins says that, normally, “muscles and nerves of the urinary system work together to hold and release urine at the right time.” The nerves are the ones that carry messages between the brain/spinal cord and the bladder, which causes the muscles to either tighten or release. However, in a neurogenic bladder, something impedes this communication (Johns Hopkins). There are many different possible causes for this impediment but, in my case, it could be an issue with my spine (spinal instability or tethered spinal cord) or because of another disease I have called dysautonomia (a term that describes diseases that create a malfunction in the autonomic nervous system according to Dysautonomia International). And both of these issues are possible because of my Ehlers Danlos Syndrome (connective tissue disease).

    I was also diagnosed with Interstitial Cystitis (IC). IC is a disease in which the bladder’s walls are inflamed or irritated, possibly causing the bladder to become stiff or scarred (CDC). IC was why I often felt like I had a UTI even when I didn’t.

    On one hand, I felt relieved to know that my issues weren’t imagined but based on something physically wrong. On the other hand, hearing that I had another incurable disease made me feel afraid. Could things improve? Will they get worse? Or was my present situation what the rest of my life would look like?

    The only way to find out was to start treating it. I was put on Rapaflo, a medication that relaxes muscles both in the prostate (if you have one) and the bladder. This reduces the feeling of urgency and helps one start and stop the urinary stream (WebMD). When I first got it, I remember laughing when reading a sticker on the bottle that said something either about prolonged erections or abnormal ejaculations (both of which are side effects for males). I joked, “I guess I need to be careful about getting too excited.” But what wasn’t a joke was the fact that my bladder did improve. Unfortunately, there were unforeseen consequences.

    At first, I noticed that I was getting migraines more often and I felt weaker. I became dizzy frequently. However, when I brought this up to my doctor, I was told that Rapaflo doesn’t cause those symptoms. Thinking that my other diseases were flaring up, I continued taking the medication since it helped my bladder. After four to five more years, it was worse. I felt so weak I could barely walk or sit up and was considering getting a wheelchair. I had multiple migraines every day. I was dizzy and nauseous all the time. This time, when I talked with the same doctor, I was told that Rapaflo actually did cause those symptoms. While I was worried that my bladder would get worse, I stopped the medication. I became less weak and dizzy. However, I never improved to where I was before the medication, leaving me with frequent migraines and weakness.

    Luckily, I was doing physical therapy at the same time for my bladder. PT focused on the muscles that make up the pelvic floor, the goal being to strengthen and relax the muscles. I had no idea that PT like that existed before starting it. I doubted if it would help but, after some time, I found that it did. PT was actually just as effective as the medication for me. So, when I had to stop the medication, my bladder didn’t get much worse. In fact, my bladder has stayed calmer even now.

    As long as I kept up with my PT exercises, I got less bladder spasms and less irritation. I spent less time in the bathroom than I did before being treated. As long as I went to the bathroom every 3 to 4 hours and stayed hydrated, I didn’t have much pain or sense of fullness. But I still took longer than my peers.

    It was in my sophomore year of college that I realized my neurogenic bladder was still embarrassing and annoying when I lived in an on-campus apartment with people I didn’t know. Before the semester started, I let them know that I take longer in the bathroom because of my health issues (I didn’t want to get more specific than that). I thought they understood. However, one night, I got up to go to the bathroom. While in the bathroom, I heard a door open and then another one open not long after.

    One of my roommates said to the other, “I need to go to the bathroom,” after a few moments of silence had passed.

    The other responded, “Yeah, me too,” and then they laughed.

    I felt embarrassed. I tried to be quicker but that only aggravated my bladder and made me take longer. From then on, I avoided living in suites or apartments with people I didn’t know. I wanted to give my roommates a warning that I take more time in the bathroom and know that it would be understood rather than mocked. Even still, I always tried to be quick because I worried I’d cause someone to be late if I took too long.

    I also never used the bathrooms in my friends’ rooms whenever I’d hang out with them. I avoided using them for two reasons. The first reason was that I didn’t want any of them to know how much time I took to use the bathroom. I thought it would be awkward since most others my age didn’t need a lot of time. The second reason is the fact that I use panti-liners every day because I still have uncontrollable leaks from time to time. When meeting with “girl” friends, that wouldn’t have been a big deal. But when meeting with “guy” friends, the idea was a lot more embarrassing.

    I used to think that these issues made me disgusting and weird. I disliked my body for not being able to function properly. And there was always a part of me that felt like I was an annoyance because of my neurogenic bladder.

    Now, I think I’m finally understanding that there isn’t anything to be embarrassed about. It isn’t fun to have bladder problems and it sucks that my peers won’t understand a portion of what it’s like until they’re older. However, I am doing what I can to control and prevent it from getting worse. It isn’t my fault that I still take longer than others or leak when others don’t. And it doesn’t make me disgusting or annoying. My body is doing what it can to keep me alive which sometimes means keeping certain systems mostly normal and other ones being left to make do with less functionality.

    I know it will take time for me to stop feeling embarrassed about it and accept that it isn’t my fault others get annoyed. In order to achieve this, I felt it was important to talk about it. Part of why these issues are embarrassing is because they aren’t considered some version of “normal.” I hope that being open about this will not only help me move forward, but maybe it will help others talk about it too. I feel I am on the path to accepting myself for everything I am, bladder dysfunction and all.

    *If you don’t know what a bladder spasm feels like, it’s like an electric, pulsing pain that jabs you several times all at once, each jab sending a wave of pain throughout the rest of the bladder.

    Original Posted on Necessary Behavior: https://www.necessarybehavior.com/blogs/news/an-embarrassing-condition?_pos=14&_sid=ef8bcfe07&_ss=r 

    Edited 1/11/2022

    Sources:

    https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/neurogenic-bladder

    http://www.dysautonomiainternational.org/page.php?ID=34

    https://www.karger.com/Article/FullText/360529

    https://www.cdc.gov/ic/index.html#:~:text=Cystitis%20(IC)%3F-,Interstitial%20Cystitis%20(IC)%20is%20a%20chronic%20bladder%20condition%20resulting%20in,and%20stiffening%20of%20the%20bladder.

    https://www.webmd.com/drugs/2/drug-151903/rapaflo-oral/details

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